I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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