i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
