theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
