Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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