More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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