I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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