wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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