RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
