my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
