I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
