the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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