He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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