It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
