Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
