Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
