is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
