Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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