So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
