I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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