It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
