but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
