Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
