i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
