Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
