her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
