About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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