Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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