Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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