Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Randomize
