Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
