There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Vodka?
Forever.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
