pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
