It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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