Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
