My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
