I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
