Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
