So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
