It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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