stop calling my apartment porn island.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
