So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
