I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
