guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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