Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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