k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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