How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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