I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
