I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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