don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I had to cum in my sink.
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