I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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