Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize