Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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