he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
