idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
