I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
