How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize