well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
