I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
