Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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