Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just gargled with NyQuil
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
