You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
