i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
