yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
