if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
