Me. At least after what I've been through.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
