is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
