I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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