So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
