I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Randomize
