I just saw a hot homeless man
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize