is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
