We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
