dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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