But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
