hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize