I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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