well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
