Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
